I saw you there, across the pavement. Her hands curled into yours. The early January sun stroking her face, you staring hard at me. I don't know if you had memories flashing through your mind like I did in mine, they just zoomed around inside my head. Yes, to see you there, after all this time, I was pleasantly surprised. For a moment I wanted to reach out and say "Hello, there!" and then realised I had nothing more to say.
Now when I think of it, I know I did, I had a lot to say, so many things had accumulated since the last time we'd spoken that I was afraid we wouldn't have time enough. I couldn't risk letting you go. But I guess you had moved on, and I had to.
Now when I think of it, I know I did, I had a lot to say, so many things had accumulated since the last time we'd spoken that I was afraid we wouldn't have time enough. I couldn't risk letting you go. But I guess you had moved on, and I had to.
Was I still not over you? I don't know. Were you over me? I didn't know until then.
Something on your face told me, it wasn't with anger that you stared back, but the situation we had both got ourselves into. I don't know for how long we stood there staring at each other, I don't know why the world froze around us, I don't know why I couldn't hear a sound anymore. Was I still stuck in the time we were in before? But when she turned to look at what had caught your unwavering attention, I guess I just turned in time, to save you your answers. I couldn't any day since, explain to myself why I felt guilty, why I turned away, why I didn't want her to see, why I wanted to hold your hand and lead you to a place where only we'd be. Should I feel sorry?
I wanted us to be in that place where it's just you and me like before, when we didn't have to walk away from each other, like we never existed. Where I could hold your hand and giggle as if nothing was a bigger proof of sanity than laughing for no particular reason. Where you'd still walk with me drenched through the heavy rain trying hard to win the tug of war over the umbrella. I loved how we sat at the bus stop and made fun of complete strangers and how people looked at us as though we were lunatics. You know, I still turn my head to look at the place we sat ourselves at every time I walk by the spot.
But that day, on the pavement, after I turned, I hoped you would think of me when you were alone like I do every single day. I wonder if you still lie down on the beach, counting the stars or thinking about 'everything' like we used to. And I wonder if it hurt you that I walked away, did you feel a knife dashing through your heart as if it would be sliced into two, like I did? I wonder if you heard those three words, the ones they call 'magical words' from her, the ones I was too terrified to admit. I wonder if you wonder of me.
I turned and walked away that day, my heavy wedding ring glistening on my ring finger.
But that day, on the pavement, after I turned, I hoped you would think of me when you were alone like I do every single day. I wonder if you still lie down on the beach, counting the stars or thinking about 'everything' like we used to. And I wonder if it hurt you that I walked away, did you feel a knife dashing through your heart as if it would be sliced into two, like I did? I wonder if you heard those three words, the ones they call 'magical words' from her, the ones I was too terrified to admit. I wonder if you wonder of me.
I turned and walked away that day, my heavy wedding ring glistening on my ring finger.
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